I Did it, Mom! I Did it!

This Blog is based on the numerous emails from Grade 10’s after they returned from their ten day hike in the Cederberg in December this year.

Heading off: Destination Cedarberg

In her recently released book 'Good Morning, Mr Mandela ', Zelda La Grange wrote that President Mandela often told her that ' Your mind is always stronger than your body'. History has shown us that he, himself, certainly revealed that personal trait often enough in the trials and personal challenges of his own life!

Every boy who volunteered for the Grade Ten Challenge this year - and completed it - has returned with a full understanding of that sentiment expressed by Mandela.

'I wondered (before the camp) why you kept calling it the Grade Ten Challenge. Now I am in no doubt!'

'At the time, I thought that the Grade 8 and 9 camps were testing, but we had no idea what was coming this year!'

I am a firm believer in Rites of Passage for our boys as they advance on their journey to Manhood. Appropriately, these meaningful milestones of life should be celebrated with family and supportive adults who have been part of their journey to adulthood. Confirmation, Blazer ceremony, Valedictory, Prize Giving, Founders' Day, 21st, Wedding Day.  The  empathetic and reassuring presence of adults at these ceremonies is important as it sends the message to the young traveller on his personal journey that he is valued and respected.

The Grade Ten Challenge has a loftier goal as parents cannot, and indeed must not, be there.  The challenge is a learning experience which emphasizes choices and decision making which the individual boys have to make on their own.  It tests their resolve as well as their friendships.  As they look at the timeless mountains, questions of spirituality are raised. The bottom line is that the decisions made on this camp have to be made without the well-meaning guidance of parents.  For nearly all the boys, it would be the longest period of time which they have been away from their parents.  Homesickness would undoubtedly be a factor. In short, this experience was destined to be the most demanding challenge of their 16 year old lives.

Arrival

Over the ten days that these boys trekked over the Cederberg Mountains, they were forced to take charge of their own growth. The experiential learning that took place over this time has so far been  unmatched by any other activity in school.

The sheer physicality of this Sisyphean exercise was the central theme running through all the feedback from the boys. 'It tested me in ways that I have never been tested before,' was one insightful comment. Another boy was typically blunt in saying 'that it was the most difficult physical and mental thing I have ever done in my life.'

'When we walked,' commented another, 'I would completely zone-out and day dream so that I didn't notice the distance we were walking.'

Making the choice of giving up or not seemed to be a constant negative thought among the boys. In reading their comments, I was reminded of a description in Lewis Pugh's book ‘Achieving the Impossible’ of the tough times he went through in his quest to earn the famous sandy-coloured beret of a SAS soldier.

200 soldiers started the course of which the final challenge at the end of three years was known as ‘Battle Camp’. For two weeks, he had to battle his way through winter rain, snow, sleet and howling winds over impossibly difficult Welsh terrain. All the time, there were officers deliberately placed on the route, urging him to give up; telling him that it was too dangerous and that he was risking unnecessary injury; reminding him that their friends were at home not going through all this pain; and the most persuasive argument of all was that no-one would blame him for giving up as he had already gone through so much.

He knew only too well that if he were to take up this easy option, there would be no award of the sandy-coloured beret.  120 Wynberg Grade Tens might recognise his sentiments:  ‘We had to find reserves of physical and mental strengths we didn’t know we possessed’.

Out of 200 who started in his group, only three claimed the sandy-coloured beret.  The Wynberg boys who successfully finished the Challenge will receive a lapel badge which displays a simple ‘Ten’ against the outline of mountains.

It was very evident in the emails to me that our boys heard the same voices - except that their persuasive voices were in their own heads and sometimes in the comments of the boys around them.

Intuitively, most of the boys realized this. 'During the hike I had a lot of time to think, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. Thoughts reminding me of how much my feet, legs and back hurt and how long and hard the hike was. There were also thoughts reminding me of how comfortable my bed was at home, and how nice the food always was;  thoughts telling me that I couldn't go on , and that giving up is so easy.  There were also positive thoughts. The thought of making my school, parents and myself proud was something that motivated me and kept me going. The thought of overcoming this difficulty and not giving up gave me strength to keep going.  Above all, there was the thought of being able to say that I made it.’

It was not only their own personal tenacity which enabled the boys to complete the challenge, but virtually all of them acknowledged the positive role played by their friends.  For some, friends became as close as family.

'I certainly learnt who my true friends were - because in that tough environment you needed them.'

Another boy was appreciative of the bonding value of friends. 'When we were struggling, we motivated one another. I strongly believe that the hike would have been much harder if it hadn't been for our friends.'

Some also had to learnsome hard truths. ‘One of the boys in our group was not co-operating. He would eat the group’s food on the sly but not help cook dinner…..  I lost all respect for him.’

To balance it out there were some feel-good stories:  'On the second day, we were on the top of a mountain when we heard that one of our group had fallen back and was badly dehydrated.  Eight of the group immediately put down their bags and went back two kilometres to help him. For the remainder of the hike, we allowed him to set the pace and we followed behind.'

Judging by the comments, the highlight of the hike was the rest day. The boys were allowed to swim and to laze around. 'Proper' toilets were also a much appreciated feature of the day!  Letters from parents were handed out that day which evoked moving responses.

'I decided that however hard the hike was from then on, I was going to make my parents proud of me.'

Another boy really opened up.  'I felt much closer to my father after reading his letter.'

And then this one.  'We re-read our letters every day at Quiet Time. I know that some of us even shed a tear or two..'

Initially the daily Quiet Time was not taken seriously but after parental letters were read, it became much more meaningful. 'At first, Quiet Time was taken as a joke, but as the days ticked over, it became more important to us.'

This thought was echoed in this comment:  'My parents told me to appreciate the opportunity of being on the Challenge.  As I started thinking more about it, I realized that the same applied to my school and family.'

To notice one's surroundings is not a trait immediately associated with an adolescent boy. 'You cannot imagine the beauty of the mountains, the rock formations, the colours, the trees.... To see a sky so full of stars and to watch the shooting stars made us forget the cold....'

At the conclusion of the Challenge, I was waiting at school for the return of the boys on the busses. Their faces clearly showed the paradox of their experience. Pride was striving to trump the obvious weariness they felt. One boy alighted from the bus and abandoning all normal adolescent reserve,  rushed to hug his mother. He soon gave up the struggle to hold back his tears. 'I did it, Mom. I did it.'

Home again!

Surely there can be no greater justification for Grade Ten Challenge than this single comment? As parents and teachers we cannot give pride to our boys - they have to earn it themselves.  Clearly this young man took ownership of his own accomplishments.

I silently applauded that mother who had the courage to send her son away on this challenging and lengthy hike exposing him to discomfit and struggle.  I wonder if she will ever know how much she has enriched his life?  She has consciously given him one of the greatest gifts a parent can give her son - the opportunity to develop his own pride, his own confidence, his own self esteem.  This intoxicating discovery of inner strength will give him power for the rest of his life.

The school journey which began with her letting go of his hand on his first day of Junior School now took another giant leap forward in his quest to become a responsible adult.

At the same time we can all sympathise with the boy who told me that he found the experience rewarding 'but to be honest, I won't be walking up Lion's Head for a while!'