The 2012 Science Expo: Only at a Boys’ School ...

‘I don’t really enjoy marking,’ said Ben Thompson to me one evening on the school fields while our respective dogs greeted one another with the normal canine socialising and sniffing routine. ‘However, the exception is the Science Expo.’ I knew what he meant.

I spent an enjoyable hour last Tuesday walking around the Science (and Biology) Expo together with a number of parents and many boys. There was a wonderful atmosphere as the boys were clearly proud of the efforts they had made - especially the thought and the research which they had demonstrated in their displays. All of them were keen to explain to me why their project was special and how it was going to make a difference to mankind.

As a humble Latin teacher, I certainly do not profess to understand the complex and cerebral scientific reflection which clearly went into some of the displays. The making of a jet engine is a case in point. I take my classical hat off to Darren Niland and William Jenkins who constructed a jet engine out of tin cans. ‘And it works,’ William assured me when he saw my incredulous face. Suitably admonished, I was even more impressed by the intelligent questions they were being asked round their stand: ‘What fuel did you use?’ and ‘How did you stop it overheating?’

I have lost faith in the Ancient Romans – surely they had someone intelligent enough to invent something like this jet engine? Asterix and Obelix would have been under pressure then!

Personally I blame it on too many hot baths in Ancient Rome. It addled their brains. Those English public schools had the right solution: Bring back cold showers – and invent jet engines!

Without doubt, Michael van der Valk drew the biggest crowd with his self-built radio controlled car which was whizzing through the onlookers. He wanted to see what positive effect light-weight ‘spoilers’ would have on the cornering of those who raced model cars.

Daiyaan Edwards made a valiant effort to prove that perpetual motion as a source of energy was possible but in the end, even he failed where thousands of scientists had fallen short before him and he was humble enough to concede defeat in his conclusion.

Our new border collie pup, Storm, has nearly mastered perpetual motion – if 17 hours a day of non-stop running is anything to go by. Daiyaan is in good company as even Storm has admitted defeat for those remaining seven hours a day.

Hafeez Sonday and Joshua Deschamps set out to discover what brand of cigarette leaves the most nicotine. They took 6 well-known brands, some tissues and a vacuum cleaner to provide the suction. ‘I don’t know why they wasted a vacuum cleaner,’ said a (nameless) matric standing in front of me - not realising who was behind him. ‘I would have done the test for them to save the electricity!’

Clearly our ‘green drive’ is getting through to our senior pupils.

The project’s conclusion that there was not much difference between smoking mild or ‘normal’ cigarettes will surely come as a shock to generations of schoolboys around the world who thought they were protecting their lungs by inhaling packets of mild cigarettes.

Hafeez and Joshua had more bad news for smokers. Their research had shown them that every cigarette costs a smoker five to twenty minutes of life. Their final conclusion was emphatic – the only solution was not to smoke at all. ‘Don’t know what they are talking about,’ sniffed the knowledgeable, but still nameless, matric boy before drifting off to find another project that wouldn’t jolt him out of his comfort zone.

Top cricketers, Dylan van der Mescht and Nicki Zeeman, had great fun swallowing cans of Red Bull - all in the cause of Science - to prove (well, to themselves at any rate…) that copious amounts of caffeine does increase reaction time. That should impress our Business Manager as there will now be a considerable cost saving for the school cricket budget next summer – no need to maintain cricket nets or provide coaches. They probably didn’t study a nearby project by Caleb Schultz whose conclusion was that fizzy drinks corroded teeth, enlarged the waistline and damaged intestinal walls.

But those minor details are not a concern for adolescent boys.

Dylan Wichman wanted to prove that Under Armour, which seemed to me to be the modern version of Superman’s underpants, lived up to its advertising in improving athletic performance. He ended up by showing that the performance of his test athletes was increased by between two to three percent. In his personal case, his vertical jump height from a standing position had improved by 20 millimetres (5%) when he put on this Under Armour.

Being a true Wynberg boy he chose to put on display three very acceptable young ladies wearing (marginally) expanded versions of Superman’s underwear. I have never heard of Nina Dobrev, Kim Kardashian and Alicia Sacramone, but I have no doubt that if I saw them wearing in real life wearing Under Armour, my vertical jump height from a standing position would have improved by 10%.

Dylan van Zyl set out to prove that a rugby ball could not be passed backwards when on the run. He was insistent that Relative Velocity (both Latin derivatives but I am not sure how they apply to Science) ensured that the rugby ball could only go backwards if both parties were stationary. Someone should have told this to the much maligned World Cup Referee, Bryce Lawrence - maybe we could now claim a post-tournament victory over Australia after all.

I then saw Gordon Taylor, one of the Judges, with a huge smile on his face. ‘I have just proved Devon Larkin’s conclusion wrong,’ he said with relish. Devon huffily maintained that a one-off failure did not negate his conclusion and pleaded with me to have a go on his iPhone with him. He was endeavouring to prove his point that ‘reaction time slows with age.’

I took him on, beat him, and told him ‘now find someone old’. Maybe he should have purloined some of the Red Bull on the Caffeine stand.

Bryan Edwards explaining to an unconvinced Mr Taylor

Bryan Edwards enjoyed his research at the Girls’ School and in his Kenridge neighbourhood by investigating who had the more fun – Blondes, Redheads or Brunettes. ‘I put a lot of effort into this, Sir,’ he assured me with due seriousness. I am sure he did – but I am not sure if this study was scientific enough for the judges of the Expo.

Apparently Blondes came out on top. I didn’t dare study his research stats in how he reached this conclusion.

Matthew Tarr and Jason Kruger might also struggle to convince the judges that their research was genuinely scientific. They, too, decided that research at Wynberg Girls’ High was essential for their project on ‘What Stimulates the Female Mind?’ Twenty girls were given a list of a number of options and the ultimate conclusion will no doubt be disappointing, not to say surprising, to 800 Wynberg boys: Girls like a guy who can cook!

‘Absolute nonsense,’ said my secretary, Glenda Hepworth, when I arrived back in my office and asked her opinion. ‘A man’s wallet is all that interests any female.’

She would have saved Matthew and Jason much research time if she had told them that earlier in the term.