"It's Astounding; Time is Fleeting; Madness takes its Toll…"

Michael Jordaan had his audience in the palm of his hands.  The outgoing CEO of First National Bank gave a talk recently at Spier to about two hundred recipients of the Allan Gray Orbis Foundation scholarships.  They were mainly university students or recent graduates from universities around the country who had been brought to Spier for the weekend.  The country’s brightest and sharpest.

‘Unless you are innovative, your company will be going backwards,’ he told the attentive gathering. ‘But to ensure innovation, you must have FAC.’

Everyone started looking at one another.  Had they heard correctly?  One or two started whispering among themselves.

Michael Jordaan steamed on.  ‘It is only when you have FAC that people in your company will feel comfortable to contribute ideas.  F for Fun; A for Alcohol; C for Coffee.’

Ah. So we did hear correctly.

I saw heads perking up.  One could feel the country’s finest young brains churning over.  This was more like it. The discussions started up around me – perhaps a little trip could be organised into Stellenbosch after proceedings to one of the local hostelries. De Akker was a definite favourite. Tollies maybe? The prevailing feeling was that the Dros was always good for discussing innovative ideas. Excited and anticipatory chatter was breaking out everywhere.

‘It is only when folk are relaxed that ideas flow,’ he said. ‘Some of the best ideas which have come out at FNB over the years have been in social settings. People like to work for a cool company where the environment encourages new ideas. The alcohol is not important – but the atmosphere is.’

Julian Taylor

It was with this in mind that I approached Julian Taylor in the Staff Room at the beginning of this term.  ‘It has been a busy year,’ I said to him. ‘Our teachers need some FAC .’

He said nothing. He was far too polite to say anything.  It was clear that he was wondering where this was going. ‘How about organising a Staff Musical?’ I said airily.  ‘We sing songs of the Sixties and then we invite the parents and anyone else who wants to join us to come and dance.’

To his credit, he didn’t hesitate.  ‘Great!’ he said.  ‘When shall we put it on?’

"In three weeks time.’

And so’ Good Vibration’ 2013 was born.

It was a frenetic three weeks.  Justin Wardle, Head of Music at the Junior School was prevailed upon to be the Musical Director.  Although he was in the throes of producing a musical at the Junior School, he was very gung ho about the idea of Good Vibrations.  The concept of FAC was spreading – but in reality, not much coffee was in evidence during rehearsals.

It was opened up to anyone in the High and Junior Staff Rooms. James Buchanan, a Biology teacher who had played his guitar in the initial Good Vibrations show back in 1997, needed no persuasion to return to the Wynberg stage.  With Justin on the piano, Julian on Double Bass and WBJS drum teacher, Luke Kelly on drums, we had our band.  Now it was up to the singers to make the show.

It was not promising at the beginning.  ‘None of your day jobs is under threat,’ said Justin presciently after the first rehearsal in the Junior School music rooms one Sunday.

‘What was that noise this afternoon?’ said Roland Rudd to me as I returned to my car in the Boarding House parking lot.  I ignored him.  I had the feeling it was a serious question.

The anxiety was building up as the dress rehearsal approached.  Chris Merrington, our social media manager, ratcheted up the stress by posting various doctored pictures to Facebook.  Keith Richards (me) strumming his guitar was sent out on the World Wide Web. ‘You look old,’ said my younger brother in an email from New Zealand. ‘Is your job that stressful?’

As falsely advertised on Facebook - this scribe, bottom right, was far better coiffed

Sibling rivalry obviously continues for years after school.  Surely he realises that Keith Richards is a decade older than I am?

This initial advert was followed by ‘Rocking Rod Stewart’ Inglis and Larry ‘Barry Gibbs’ Moser of the Bee Gees.  The coup de grace was Sue ‘Lady Gaga’ Lindsay which evoked the most comments on Facebook.

‘I wish my figure was really like that,’ said Sue enviously when she was shown how to access ‘her’ advert on Facebook.

‘Are they serious?’ was one observation on Facebook.

‘So that is where our school fees go,’ was another caustic comment.

More pressure.

However, the real pressure came as the evening of the Dress Rehearsal approached.  Performing in front of adults was one thing, but pirouetting around in front of critical teenage boys just waiting for you to make a mistake, was added stress.  ‘Not,’ said one parent to me when I mentioned this point later, ’that any pirouetting was evident from you…’

‘I am glad to see that you didn’t attempt any Michael Jackson,’ said another parent after one of the performances. ‘After seeing you attempting the moves of YMCA, clearly the Moonwalk would have been a tester.’

Not to mention the complicated gyrations of The Time Warp!

The dress rehearsal was the first time that the cast had worn costumes.  Ribald and humorous comments in the dressing room flew thick and vast.  I decided that attack was the best form of defence.  ‘Heaven help the first person who asks me if I raided my personal wardrobe…’ I warned.  Those lycra pants (chosen by my wife from a costume shop!) would definitely not ever have seen the light of day on my frame in my teenage years.

Larry 'Manson' Moser

‘You look like Charles Manson,’ I told Larry Moser.

‘You mean Marilyn Manson,’ corrected youngster Christopher Graham.

‘No, Charles Manson, the mass murderer.  Just look at the state of him!’

‘Who is Marilyn Manson?’ said Larry.

Sue Lindsay was clearly determined to shed her Lady Gaga image and came with two lengthy blonde platted pigtails coyly draped down the front of her shoulders.  ‘Hullo, Dorothy,’ I said to her.  ‘Are you singing in the Wizard of Oz today?  Where’s Toto?’

Sue 'Dorothy' Lindsay

‘Oh, you men,’ she said. ‘Always teasing!’

Warren Grobler was standing on the side minding his own business.  ‘This is more nerve-racking than playing a hockey match,’ said the veteran of dozens of provincial hockey games and a current contender for the South African hockey team.

‘Good luck everyone,’ said Justin Wardle, musical director, as he handed every member of the cast a note wishing them well in the upcoming performances.

‘Shouldn’t he be wishing us to break a larynx?’ said Larry Moser to no-one in particular.

Coming on for our first number: ‘We will Rock You’ was clearly too much for Rodney Inglis and me.  How on earth does a normal male stamp his foot twice, clap his hands in rhythm and sing in tune - all at the same time?  We gave up and just walked to our positions on the stage.

It took two minutes for the boys and the teachers in the audience to stop laughing. I must remember to take those boys’ names down.  ‘We have definitely thrown our names away here,’ said someone behind me.

Quite so. I fear discipline will never be the same again at Wynberg.

The next day during the early morning staff meeting, Larry reported back to the teachers that it was quite obvious that many of the cast had promising stage careers severely curtailed by their teaching commitments.  It was mentioned in passing that we should name the hall ‘The Cavern’ for the occasion as that was the venue in Liverpool where the Beatles were discovered.  Who knows what agents might have been lurking in the hall during the performances.

The next two performances flew past.  We had wonderful audiences who joined in the spirit of the occasion by clapping, singing and dancing.  Now I know what the real Keith Richards feels like on stage.  The only difference was that we weren’t mobbed by any screaming teenagers at any point.  I presume laughing ones don’t count.

Everyone's a critic ...

Justin Wardle

‘I am surprised that you sang the songs so well,’ said a tactful Rob Cox, a parent of some years back. ‘The music was obviously well before your time.’

The show finished all too soon with Anthony Sparrow taking the lead in singing ‘We are the Champions’.  With virtually the entire audience singing with us, we concluded what was an amazing three weeks.  ‘I saw you teachers in a totally new light,’ said Tania Robbertze, while waiting for her son to pack away the sound equipment.  As she said it with a little smile on her face, I am still trying to work out whether that was a compliment!

The cast met the following Sunday afternoon for coffee at Constantia Nek restaurant.  Michael Jordaan would have been proud of us. Judging by the chatter, the laughter and the stories, it was quite clear that we had successfully fulfilled all the requirements of FAC.

View our star-studded cast photos here